Because the Earth moves and it is our turn to make fools of ourselves
It seems that September would not be September in Mexico without the traditional collective scare, so the Second National Drill 2025 is already on the calendar. Various institutions, in a fit of optimism, beg the population to participate in this exercise of risk prevention. Because, of course, we fully trust that we will all remember exactly what to do when the floor decides to salsa dance without our consent.
The Secretariat of Comprehensive Risk Management and Civil Protection (a name so long that it probably needs its own evacuation plan) not only invites us to prevent disasters, but also to commemorate the victims of 1985 and 2017. Because nothing honors memory more than seeing your neighbor run in panic towards the elevator.
The big show: date, time and epicenter of this telluric reality show
The big event is scheduled for Friday, September 19 at 12:00 pm. The argument? A hypothetical earthquake of magnitude 8.1 with an epicenter in Lázaro Cárdenas, Michoacán. Because if we are going to pretend, let it be spectacular. The production has not spared any details.
The technological novelty this year is that we will receive a notification via cell phone. Yes, that same device we mainly use for memes and food photos will save our lives. The alert message will magically arrive without the need for credit, data or Wi-Fi. All it takes is faith, hope, and that your operator isn’t having a bad day. Make sure your phone has coverage and its operating system is up to date. Because obviously, during a real earthquake, the first thing you’ll do is check for a pending software update.
A drill is basically a preventative rehearsal, like the ones where you rehearse the shower conversation you’ll never have. It allows you to identify what to do in an emergency, simulating real scenarios. And given that Mexico sits on a rather restless tectonic cushion, the importance of these exercises is crucial. Or, at least, that’s what the authorities repeat while we cross our fingers.
The advantages of participating are many: checking if the plans of the civil protection authorities are efficient (spoiler: we will probably discover that they are not), improving preparation and promoting a culture of prevention. Or what is the same: having a perfect excuse to leave the office for 20 minutes.
The manual of the perfect seismic actor: guide to surviving the rehearsal
The Secretariat, in its infinite wisdom, gives us these gems of advice for the big day:
– If you hear the seismic alert, you have seconds advantage. Use them wisely: to run, scream, or freeze like a deer in headlights. Locate yourself in a lower risk area, preferably away from your boss.
– Stay calm to avoid causing an accident. That is, externalize the panic internally. Easy.
– If you have babies at home, go get them. Unless they are crying, then reconsider. Stand next to a load-bearing column or wall, preferably one that hasn’t been complaining about cracks for years.
– If there are older adults, they should know the lower risk areas. Or, failing that, follow the natural instinct of grouping together in the most dangerous place possible.
– Stay away from windows or furniture that could fall. This includes that IKEA bookcase that you hatefully put together and that has always had a suspicious tilt.
– Cut off the gas and electricity supply. Because what better way to celebrate surviving an earthquake than by stumbling around in the dark with a lighter in your hand?
So now you know. On September 19, at 12 o’clock, all of Mexico will participate in the largest pretend exercise of the year. Because practice makes perfect, or at least, practice makes you less likely to get crushed by a television.
Do you think this drill will change anything or is it just another bureaucratic procedure? Share this article on your social networks and test your contacts’ sense of humor. Explore more of our content to discover other uncomfortable truths disguised as satire.
