Kim Jong Un’s latest war toy
In a twist that has surprised absolutely no one, North Korea has announced with great fanfare –pun intended– that its most recent missile launches were not the typical Thursday afternoon rehearsal, but rather the debut of its brand new hypersonic systems. Because what better way to strengthen nuclear deterrence than with a device that flies so fast that you don’t even have time to pronounce “de-escalation”?
The always objective Korean Central News Agency – that source of information as impartial as a lottery draw – rushed to spread the report a day after southern neighbors detected the gunshots. The projectiles apparently took off from the outskirts of Pyongyang and traveled a picturesque 350 kilometers before crashing into the ground. A journey so precise, according to Pyongyang, that they could almost have delivered a pizza.
The ACNC, in a display of transparency that leaves us all speechless, stated that two hypersonic projectiles were launched that “precisely” hit a terrestrial target. Of course, they were very careful not to reveal the name of the new system. Will it be “Death Acceleration”? Or maybe “Nuclear Arrow Express”? The mystery continues, just after a military parade where Kim Jong Un showed off his new toys like a child at Christmas, including what appeared to be a ballistic system with hypersonic glider vehicles. Because if world peace needs anything, it’s more hypersonic glider vehicles.
The arms race that nobody asked for
In recent years, the North Korean regime has embarked on a frenetic missile testing race with hypersonic weapons that theoretically fly at more than five times the speed of sound. The idea, they tell us, is that they are so fast and elusive that they can evade regional defense systems. What they don’t explain is why, if they are so effective, they need to do so many tests. Could it be that the North Korean GPS has updating problems?
To add more excitement to the matter, Pak Jong Chon, one of Kim’s most trusted henchmen, personally attended the launches and praised the performance of the new system. He promised, with a face more serious than a state news broadcast, that North Korea will continue to “improve” its deterrent power and strengthen self-defense. Of course, because when you have a nuclear arsenal, what you really worry about is defending yourself from the birds that fly over your territory.
And just in case anyone thought this was enough, during the October 10 parade, Kim also unveiled a new intercontinental ballistic missile that state media described as the country’s most powerful nuclear asset. Because on the priority list of a country with serious food problems, obviously the first thing is to have missiles that can reach the continental territory of the United States. Experts – those people who make their living deciphering the whims of dictators – suggest that Pyongyang could be preparing to test this missile before a major party conference in early 2026. Nothing like a good nuclear test to start the year.
The diplomatic context (or lack thereof)
To understand this arms fever, we must go back to 2019, when the diplomacy between Kim and the then US president Donald Trump went to hell. Since then, the North Korean leader has accelerated the pace of weapons testing with the determination of a Formula 1 racer. Disputes over US-led economic sanctions are evidently better resolved with more missiles than dialogue.
This week’s launches are particularly significant because they mark the first ballistic missile tests since South Korea’s liberal president, Lee Jae Myung, took office in June pledging to restore peace to the peninsula. But Kim, in a characteristic gesture of magnanimity, has rejected Lee’s offers of dialogue. His condition for resuming diplomacy with Washington is simple: that the United States abandon its goal of denuclearizing North Korea. In other words, accept that he may have nuclear missiles, but please don’t bother him with nonsense about human rights or famine.
In short, the world watches with a mixture of concern and annoyance as North Korea continues to perfect its capacity to cause a global catastrophe, while the international community wonders for the umpteenth time how to deal with a regime that seems to believe that international relations are a game of Risk. And meanwhile, the missiles continue to fly, the statements continue to become increasingly absurd, and peace on the Korean peninsula seems as achievable as finding a unicorn in the Pyongyang subway.
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