Putin and his new water toy: the drone that no one can stop
It seems that Vladímir Putin has gone too far with his Amazon Prime subscription, because he just received a package that no one, literally NO ONE, can intercept. In what sounds like the plot of a bad spy movie, the Russian president has announced with all the pride of an influencer showing his latest SHEIN haul that his country has carried out a successful test of an atomic-powered underwater drone. Basically, it’s any James Bond villain’s wet dream come true, but with more geopolitical testosterone.
On Wednesday, while probably drinking an ice-cold vodka, Putin declared that this new artifact – dubbed Poseidon, because they obviously needed a mythological name to impress – cannot be intercepted. Sure, because what could go wrong by putting a nuclear reactor on an unmanned underwater vehicle? Nothing, absolutely nothing. It’s like giving a teenager a Ferrari, but in an apocalyptic version.
It’s not a flex, it’s THE nuclear flex
This revelation comes just three days after the Kremlin boasted about its new Burevestnik cruise missile, completing what we might call Putin’s “doomsday combo.” Speaking to wounded soldiers in Ukraine – because nothing says “I care about you” like showing off your new nuclear arsenal in front of your troops – the Russian president described the test as a “great success.” And when Putin says “success,” the rest of the world eagerly updates their news app.
The technical details are as terrifying as they are fascinating: the nuclear reactor that powers Poseidon is “100 times smaller” than those of traditional submarines, but its nuclear warhead has more power than the Sarmat intercontinental ballistic missile. It’s the weapons version of those mini apartments you see on TikTok: small on the outside, but with disproportionate destructive potential on the inside.
But wait, there’s more: the Burevestnik missile, according to General Valery Gerasimov, covered 14,000 kilometers during a 15-hour flight using nuclear fuel. That’s basically like going from Moscow to Buenos Aires and back, but with the ability to evaporate entire cities along the way. Not bad for any Tuesday.
From theory to practice (radioactive)
Putin first mentioned this underwater drone in 2018, along with other weapons in development that sounded like science fiction. Russian media reported that Poseidon was designed to explode near the coast and unleash a powerful radioactive tsunami. Because a normal tsunami just isn’t dramatic enough, right? We must add that glow-in-the-dark touch that so characterizes nuclear energy.
The most worrying thing – or the coolest thing, depending on your level of cynicism – is that during Tuesday’s test, Poseidon traveled with nuclear power for the first time. Putin did not say where the tests were carried out or give other details, because why be transparent when you can keep the world in suspense? It is the communication strategy of “we know something that you don’t know”, but applied to weapons of mass destruction.
Since sending troops to Ukraine in February 2022, Putin has been parading Russia’s nuclear power like his collection of NFTs, declaring that Moscow was prepared to use “all means” to protect its interests. And by “all means” he clearly means devices that look like they came out of a Marvel movie, but without the superheroes to stop them.
This renewed emphasis on the nuclear message comes just after Trump called off a summit with Putin in Budapest and imposed his first major sanctions against Russia since returning to the White House. The relationship between the two could be summarized as “it is complicated”, but with nuclear missiles involved. Nothing like a little geopolitical tension to keep things interesting, right?
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