Because Clearly There Was Not Enough Prison Chaos in Our Lives
In a move that no one, absolutely no one, had asked for but that someone in an office with a very expensive carpet decided was strictly necessary, the “Prison Break” update has been given the green light. Yes, you read correctly. That series where a man with a map of the sewer system tattooed on his torso and a doctorate in structural engineering spends several years escaping from maximum security prisons… it’s going to have more episodes. The reason? Probably the same reason why bell-bottoms resurface: a mix of nostalgia and a total lack of original ideas.
The news, which has shaken the foundations of the industry in the same way as a 1.0 magnitude earthquake, informs us that this project has been in the works for two years. Two long years in which, supposedly, someone has been thinking very seriously about how to put people back in jail so that they can later escape. The brain behind this feat is Elgin James, co-creator of “Mayans MC”, who will not only be the showrunner, but has also written and directed the pilot episode. One wonders if at the pitch meeting the conversation was: “Hey, what if we do ‘Mayans MC’… but in prison?” And someone, in a fit of genius, blurted out “Take my money!”
Same World, Different Faces (But Same Drama)
Here comes the best part, the script twist that leaves you breathless: the new “Prison Break” will be set in the same universe as the original series. Because of course we need a shared cinematic universe for prison breaks. Will we see cameos? Will the legendary Michael Scofield, now a prison security consultant who, ironically, helps prisoners escape, appear? Or maybe his brother Lincoln Burrows, who now runs a burrito food truck outside a penitentiary? The possibilities are as infinite as they are absurd.
But don’t get excited, fans of Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell. This new installment will follow a new cast of characters played by Emily Browning, Drake Rodger, Lukas Gage, Clayton Cardenas, JR Bourne and Georgie Flores. One can only imagine the complex and elaborate plans they will come up with. A map of tunnels tattooed on your scalp? A master plan hidden in false teeth? Or maybe, in a modern twist, they will use a cryptocurrency blockchain to bribe the guards? The potential for sublime ridicule is monumental.
It is comforting to know that, in a world on the verge of climate collapse and with geopolitical crises aplenty, the entertainment industry has its priorities very clear: reviving a series that concluded more or less definitively not once, but apparently several times. Because if there’s one thing that television has taught us, it’s that no one stays dead or incarcerated forever, especially if ratings go down and there’s a check involved.
So get ready for more bars, more tattoos with hidden messages, more corrupt guards with a level of incompetence that would make a cadet cry on their first day, and more moments where, against all odds and common sense, our heroes will get their way. It is the prison circus that we deserve, if not the one we need at this very moment.
Are we ready for another escape? The answer, dear audience, is probably a hesitant “mmm…”. But here it is, served on a stainless steel prison tray, ready to be consumed. Because in television, as in escapes, there is always a way to return, no matter how unnecessary it may seem.
Do you think this new escape attempt is worth it or should he remain in solitary confinement? Share this news on your social networks and provoke debate among your contacts. And if you’re itching for more questionable TV resurrections, explore more related content in our entertainment section. Nostalgia is a prison from which, it seems, we cannot escape either.
