The select club of golden retirees
In a spectacle of financial virtuosity that would leave any accountant breathless, the Secretary of Anti-Corruption, Raquel Buenrostro, has been kind enough to enlighten us on how the pre-retirement cake is distributed in this country. It turns out that an exclusive group of 9,457 former employees of the defunct Luz y Fuerza del Centro (LyFC) does not receive a simple pension, but a VIP income plan that ranges between one hundred thousand and one million pesos per month. Because, let’s face it, who could survive with less?
But they are not the only lucky ones in this post-work lottery. Another 544 privileged people at Pemex enjoy emoluments that exceed, surprise, the perceptions of President Claudia Sheinbaum herself. In total, this golden elite pockets the modest sum of 1,827 million pesos annually. Surely they have earned it, right? Of course, with the sweat of… well, with the sweat of current taxpayers.
Numbers that defy gravity (and logic)
While the average Mexican must settle for an average pension of about 7,092 pesos per month (a real fortune to survive in old age, without a doubt), our LyFC retirement champions receive up to 140 times more. Yes, you read correctly: one hundred and forty times. It’s not a typo, it’s simply how distributive justice works in certain privileged sectors.
In Pemex, the situation is just as “modest”: 618 cases where each pension exceeds the gross annual salary of the general director of the parastatal. Because what better incentive for a worker than knowing that their retirement will be more lucrative than the highest position in the company? It’s pure work motivation, friends.
Secretary Buenrostro, with patience worthy of a saint, explains to us that these Pemex pensions receive on average up to 39 times more than the national average. One can almost imagine the difficulty of managing so many zeros in the bank account month after month. Misery, what is called misery.
The epic battle against pre-retirement opulence
Faced with this tsunami of pension generosity, the government has decided to act forcefully. As? Well, organizing work tables. Yes, you read correctly: tables. With chairs and everything. Because when you are faced with multi-million dollar privileges, what you need is a good session of inter-institutional dialogue.
The strategy is as bold as it is complex: issue a Circular Letter to regulate the requirements of the survival pass. Sounds important, right? Almost like a roller coaster pass, but to show that you are still alive and worthy of your monthly million. In addition, collaboration agreements will be signed with RENAPO and the Civil Registries. Because nothing says “fight privilege” like a healthy dose of additional bureaucracy.
The secretary promises to “review the legality” of these pensions. Because, of course, all this must be perfectly legal. Like those things that are technically legal but morally questionable, like selling sand in the desert or water in the rain. But who are we to question the designs of the experts in pension legislation.
Meanwhile, the lucky 14,073 former LyFC workers will continue to enjoy their annual fund of 28,074 million pesos. Because once you establish a privilege, dismantling it would be… complicated. And what is the public treasury but an infinite piñata for those who knew how to secure their piece in time.
So the next time you worry about your retirement future, remember: it’s not that the system is broken. It’s just that some have a different system than the rest. One where the word “austerity” sounds like a bad joke and “merit” is measured in zeros deposited monthly.
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