Because electricity was too simple: now the CFE also sells bytes
Exhausted that your internet provider treats you like a wallet with legs? Let’s rejoice! The Federal Electricity Commission, the same one that is responsible for ensuring that we have electricity (most of the time), has decided that its expertise in cables and poles makes it the ideal candidate to sell you mobile internet. Under the glorious and modest name of “CFE Telecomunicaciones e Internet para Todos”, the parastatal promises to close the digital divide. Because if there is one thing we know, it is that government companies are world famous for their agility, innovation and unbeatable prices, right?
The project, which sounds as ambitious as an elephant learning to dance ballet, aims to bring internet access to every corner of Mexico. Especially to those remote areas where the only signal received is the echo of your own sighs. Its noble objective is to guarantee the right to be connected, with a “high quality” service and at a low cost. Of course, they don’t mention the actual speed, because in the world of promises, megabits are like unicorns: everyone talks about them but no one has seen them.
Choose your own (digital) adventure: SIM, eSIM or a magic candy?
The CFE, in an outburst of generosity, gives you options. Is your phone moderately modern and compatible with its 4.5 G network? Fantastic. You can purchase a SIM or an eSIM. Don’t have equipment or want to become a traveling connection node? That’s what the star option is for: the MiFi equipment. For the modest price of $1,145 pesos, you get a portable modem that includes a SIM and 5 GB of data for 30 days. Basically, it’s the cost of a triple-A video game for a device that allows you to browse… until you spend the 5 GB watching two high-definition kitty videos.
But the real show, the circus of rates, is in the recharge plans. The CFE, with the cunning of an accountant with dreams of grandeur, offers you the illusion of savings if you commit your money for increasingly longer periods. Who wouldn’t want to pay for a year of a service they haven’t tried? It’s like buying a ticket for a trip to Mars: you have faith, but no guarantee.
Here is the breakdown, so that your eyes can enjoy the satire of prices:
CFE Mobile Internet 5 GB: Monthly: $95 | Semiannual: $510 | Annual: $1,010. Because paying $510 all at once saves you… wait, nothing? $30 pesos in six months! Almost enough to buy an avocado (half of one).
CFE Mobile Internet 10 GB: Monthly: $165 | Semiannual: $915 | Annual: $1,770. The option for those who need double the data for double the frustration.
CFE Mobile Internet 20 GB: Monthly: $265 | Semiannual: $1,560 | Annual: $3,025. For rural YouTubers who blindly trust in state coverage.
CFE Mobile Internet 30 GB: Monthly: $365 | Semiannual: $2,080 | Annual: $4,050. The plan for the family that believes that the CFE can handle data better than it handles blackouts.
CFE Mobile Internet 50 GB: Monthly: $450 | Semiannual: $2,600 | Annual: $5,090. The premium option for the brave man who says: “I trust the government for my entertainment, my work and my social life.”
The sacred ritual of hiring: 4 steps towards digital faith
Hiring the service is a process as simple as assembling a piece of Swedish furniture without instructions. First, check the coverage on the CFE portal. Or, in other words, pray that the interactive map is not outdated. Second, choose your modality: the SIM of hope or the MiFi of redemption? Third, make the purchase. It can be online (if your current internet doesn’t fail you) or at an authorized point (which is probably three towns away). Fourth, activate and recharge. And then, cross your fingers, light a candle and hope that the signal arrives as punctually as the electricity bill arrives.
In summary, the CFE offers us a bet. Will this be the silver bullet for rural connectivity or just another digital white elephant? Only time, and the patience of users, will tell. In the meantime, we can enjoy the irony that the electricity company wants to sell us something that, ironically, consumes light.
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