The role of AI in modern romance
Marie Lansley recently arrived in San Francisco and, while looking for a partner, decided to try artificial intelligence. “I’ve tried everything,” says the 36-year-old engineer, who consults chatbots like ChatGPT and Claude to help her start conversations on dating apps. “I’m open to AI finding the love of my life, but I’m not totally convinced,” she says. “Chemistry is always going to be analog.”
More and more people are using chatbots to compose messages or interpret responses. Dating coach Carey Gaynes compares him to Cyrano de Bergerac: “You’re using a voice that’s not your own.” He worries about overdependence, although he recognizes that it can be useful.
Mason Naung, a 25-year-old student in Los Angeles, only turns to AI to break the initial ice. “If the messages go further, it would be a small warning sign,” he says. San Diego businesswoman Dani Cohen prefers an AI-written farewell message to being ghosted. “Anything that gets people to communicate in a friendly way is great,” he says.
Other voices are more critical. Clara Sullivan, a 22-year-old student, would not respond to a profile that uses AI. “It’s scary how dependent people are. It’s taken away the ability to think creatively,” he says. A Pew Research Center survey reveals that 53% of US adults believe AI will worsen creativity, and half think it will affect meaningful relationships.
Dating apps already integrate AI. Tinder has Chemistry, Hinge uses AI launchers, and Bumble plans to eliminate swipe to prioritize automated matching. Its CEO, Whitney Wolfe Herd, says that technology “should make love feel more human, not less.”
Mohammed Nizami, 23, does not use AI for dating. “We all crave authentic connection. If there’s a filter, it’s not a good way to start,” he says. Jake Clay, a content creator in New York, calls the situation a “vicious cycle” that bypasses sacred processes of life. “It’s sad to delegate something so fundamental to an AI that doesn’t understand emotions,” he laments.
Despite reservations, the merger between AI and dating seems inevitable. Efficiency gains ground, but authenticity remains the challenge.
