The Sky is Falling Over (Literally)
It seems that the plan for this Saturday in CDMX has just been canceled by the most unpopular guest of all: total climate chaos. The Secretariat of Comprehensive Risk Management and Civil Protection (SGIRPC), that is, the anonymous heroes who are trying to put order in this disaster, have just activated the orange alert. No, it is not because of a shoe sale, it is because of the intensification of brutal rains and the very probable fall of hail. Basically, the city will become a giant blender during the afternoon and evening today.
The most affected districts, so you know if you should light a candle or run, are Cuauhtémoc and Gustavo A. Madero. Precipitation of between 30 and 49 millimeters is predicted and, the best (or worst), an ice storm that no one asked for. The natural spectacle not suitable for the faint of heart is scheduled between 4:20 p.m. and 11:00 p.m. this Saturday, September 13. Match with the number? We don’t say anything.
Yellow Alert: In Case the Orange Drama Wasn’t Enough
But wait, there’s more. Not everything is the color of… well, orange. In order not to feel left out, eleven other municipalities are updated to yellow alert. The list is long: Álvaro Obregón, Azcapotzalco, Benito Juárez, Coyoacán, Cuajimalpa, Iztacalco, Iztapalapa, Magdalena Contreras, Miguel Hidalgo, Venustiano Carranza and Xochimilco. For these areas, the forecast is a little lighter, with estimated rainfall between 15 and 29 mm during the same period. Let’s say it’s the deluge express version.
Faced with this apocalyptic panorama, the authorities, with all the patience in the world, remind us of the basics that, it seems, we always forget. They recommend carrying an umbrella or a raincoat. Thanks, captain obvious. But then come the gems: don’t put grease or garbage down the drain. Seriously, does it need to be said? Apparently so, because every time it rains the city turns into Venice, but with dirty water and angry chilangos.
They also ask to sweep the drains and keep them free of garbage. That is, doing the work for which we already pay taxes. And please, do not pour grease down the drain (yes, they say it twice, because we know it’s hard work).
Urban Survival 101: How Not to Die Trying
If your plan is to go out, the SGIRPC asks you to avoid traveling on puddled or flooded roads. In other words, don’t try to cross the Pineapple River (or the one that forms in your neighborhood) with your car because you will end up trending on Twitter for the wrong reasons. Drive with extreme caution, because the street may be full of remains of trees and objects that the water swept away as if it were nothing. And stay away from places close to walls, trees, power lines and billboards that look more unstable than your long-distance relationship.
In case things get really bad (which, let’s be honest, is quite likely), here are the emergency numbers. Dial 911, 555658 1111 for Locatel, or 555683 2222 for the SGIRPC itself. Keep them on hand, because in the middle of an aquatic apocalypse, looking for the contact in your calendar is not the best idea.
In short, get ready for a disaster movie night, but without the Hollywood budget. Extreme weather is fashionable in the city and the best strategy is to stay home, watch a series and wait for everything to pass. Or pray. Or both.
Ready for the flood? Share this info with your friends so that no one is left out of the loop (or drowns). And don’t miss more weather updates that seem straight out of a catastrophic script.
