A Post-Apocalyptic ‘Relief’ Army: Because Peace Needs Bodyguards
Imagine this: the war in Ukraine ends. The dust settles, memes of abandoned tanks flood TikTok and, in the middle of that post-apocalyptic landscape, an international squad of nations appears as if it were the Avengers, but with less lycra and more bilateral agreements. That’s basically what French President Emmanuel Macron just blurted out in one of those high-level meetings that reek of expensive coffee and geopolitical desperation.
On Thursday, in Paris, the so-called ‘coalition of the willing’ (a name that sounds more like a group of friends undecided about which movie to see than a military alliance) came together. Of the 35 countries present, 26 raised their hands and promised to deploy troops or maintain a presence in Ukraine once a ceasefire is signed. Basically, they offered to be the country’s bodyguards when the party (or rather, the nightmare) is over. It is not to wage war against Russia, Macron clarifies with the seriousness of someone explaining the rules of a complicated board game, but to “prevent any new major aggression.” In other words, so that Vladímir Putin does not think of having a second round.
El Apoyo Gringo: The Plot Twist We Were All Waiting For
The plot gets juicy because, let’s be honest, in any modern action movie, without the backing of the United States, the plan collapses like a house of cards. Well here was no exception. Macron and the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, came out to ensure that Washington is on the bus. Yes, the same America that has had more mood swings on this topic than us choosing a filter for Instagram.
Zelenskyy, with the look of having slept three hours in the last two years, appreciated the gesture but admitted that the details of the format are still a mystery. “I’m not ready to tell you in detail,” he confessed, which in millennial language translates as: “The moodboard is in the works, kids.” Macron, for his part, was more direct: “The planning work will be finalized with the United States.” Translation: without the checkbook and the Yankee military power, this is a WhatsApp group with many aspirations.
British Prime Minister Keir Starmer and Macron have been clear: any European ‘reinsurance’ force needs the blessing of the White House. That is why, after their meeting, the European leaders made the obligatory call to Donald Trump. Because at the end of the day, in 21st century geopolitics, it all comes down to a conference call that probably had audio issues.
According to reports, Trump delivered his usual sermon: economic pressure must be exerted on Russia and, incidentally, on China. The fact that Russia received 1.1 billion euros in fuel sales from the EU in one year was its *mic drop* moment. Basically, a reminder that Europe has been indirectly financing the war with its purchases of Russian oil and gas. Awkward.
Putin, Sanctions and the Party Nobody Wants to Go to
Meanwhile, the German government, through its spokesman Stefan Kornelius, issued the usual warning: if Russia continues playing PlayStation over time, Europe will tighten the screws on European sanctions. Because nothing says “cease and desist” like a well-designed economic sanctions package.
Zelenskyy, for his part, insisted that a meeting with Putin is needed. “It is not a question of desire, it is a question of necessity,” he declared, with the resignation of someone who asks to speak to the manager of a restaurant because the food arrived cold. The problem is that, according to him, Russia is doing everything possible to postpone it. On the other side, Putin, from his isolation but with the support of his BFF China, said he believed that “if common sense prevails, it is possible to agree on an acceptable option.” Of course, because common sense and war usually go hand in hand.
In a plot twist, the United States has begun to send positive signals about its willingness to support security guarantees for Ukraine that resemble NATO‘s collective defense mandate. This, in Christian terms, means that Ukraine could get a security umbrella almost as good as that of Alliance members, but without formal membership. Something is something.
NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte called on the world “not to be naïve about Russia” and warned of Russian plans to attack other European countries. “We have to ensure that our deterrence is such that they never try, knowing that our reaction will be devastating,” he said. Basically, the message is: “Don’t make us angry, because we have more red buttons than you think.”
While the leaders talk, things are still hot on the ground. Russia launched 112 attack and decoy drones over Ukraine overnight Thursday. Ukrainian air defenses, in heroic mode, intercepted or blocked 84. Because even in the midst of peace talks, the war does not give up. And, as the final gesture of this diplomatic novel, Russia announced that it was expelling an Estonian diplomat. Because in geopolitics, ‘I expel you, you expel me’ is the new ‘hello, how are you?’.
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