The “alarm clock” that nobody asked for
Imagine waking up at one in the morning not to the soft cooing of a rooster, but to the roar of a fuel pipeline determined to imitate a space rocket. This is how the day began in Ulapa, Hidalgo, where an explosion—presumably the work of the always “innovative” fuel thieves—left two people literally burned and a dozen more wanting to erase that early morning from their memory. The trigger? A clandestine shot, because what better idea than to puncture a tube full of flammable liquid in the darkness of the night?
The unauthorized fireworks show
When the authorities arrived (welcome to the party, gentlemen), they found a fire that lived up to its name, four trucks reduced to ashes – with their precious load of 1,000 liter cans of gasoline, because nothing says “well thought out plan” like transporting explosives in unsuitable vehicles -, and a landscape worthy of an apocalyptic movie. The neighbors, between terror and disbelief, must have thought: “Wow, this was not in the contract to live here.”
Of course, the emergency forces of half of Hidalgo (Atitalaquia, Tlahuelilpan, Tlaxcoapan…) had to join together to prevent the llamas from deciding to tour the surrounding houses. Meanwhile, the National Guard, the Army and even the Pemex Physical Security team were playing “who puts out the fire the fastest?” Of course, someone had the good sense to close the valves so that the fuel would stop feeding the circus.
Hidalgo: The unofficial capital of bad ideas
Here comes the irony: although Hidalgo boasts a decrease in clandestine taps, it continues to lead the national ranking of “Where do we drill today?” With a statistic that would make any analyst cry: one shot every 3 hours and 35 minutes. Yes, the state contributes 25% of the country’s illegal drilling. Prize? An imaginary diploma in “Energy Self-Sabotage.”
And in case anyone doubted Hidalgo’s commitment to the issue, this year there are already 610 cases spread across 20 municipalities. Come on, if this were a legitimate business, they would even have franchises. Of course, with quite questionable benefits: deaths, injuries and a landscape that seems straight out of Mad Max.
Moral? Stealing fuel is not only illegal, but terribly dangerous. But hey, at least it leaves us with dramatic headlines and an existential question: was that liter of cheap gasoline worth it?
Share this note and spread the absurd! Do you want more stories where reality surpasses black humor? Explore our related content.
