The boss who wants to change his prison suite
Rafael Caro Quintero, the drug dealer who seems straight out of a strange season of Narcos, is fed up with his “stay” at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Brooklyn. His defense, with more arguments than a Better Call Saul lawyer, asked the court to transfer him to a “less restrictive” cell. Because, of course, being locked up 23 hours a day in a windowless cubicle isn’t exactly a five-star Airbnb.
Complaints of the most uncomfortable “guest”
According to his legal team, the Special Administrative Measures (SAM) applied to him are so extreme that they even deny him the right to gossip with his family. No calls, no letters, not even a miserable “hello” by sign. The only thing that passes through the slot in your door is your food (cold, because the air conditioning works when it feels like it) and, occasionally, a lawyer with a “this-isn’t-my-thing” look on his face.
The worst? He can’t even go to mass. And in prison, entertainment is limited: no Netflix, no TikTok, and the “gym” consists of spinning around in a cell the size of a closet. Of course, the light never goes out, because who needs to sleep, right?
A past that haunts him
For the clueless: Caro Quintero is not just any recluse. He’s the guy the United States lists as one of the “most evil cartel bosses in the world.” Founder of the Guadalajara Cartel (yes, the one that later mutated into the Sinaloa Cartel), he is accused of crimes that include the murder of DEA agent Enrique Camarena in 1985. A resume that, let’s face it, does not help to gain sympathy.
But here’s the ironic twist: the US Department of Justice will not seek the death penalty for him or his colleagues Ismael “El Mayo” Zambada and Vicente Carrillo Fuentes. Perhaps because, in the country of second chances, even the bosses have the right to a trial… and to complain about the prison menu.
Meanwhile, Caro Quintero remains in his cell, dreaming of a transfer to a prison with better amenities. Because if there is something that unites millennials and drug traffickers, it is the hatred of inhumane conditions… and slow Wi-Fi.
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