Because Nothing Says “Homeland” Like a Good List of Courses
In what we can only describe as the most existentially confusing opening and closing event of the year – do you start or finish? Is it a yes or a no? –, the Heroic Military College was the scene of a display of patriotic rhetoric and academic figures that would have made any human resources director cry with emotion. General Ricardo Trevilla Trejo, head of the Sedena, stood in front of his people to, with the solemnity that the moment required, remind them of something fundamental: to continue doing their job. Yes, that cosmic revelation was the pillar of his speech.
Accompanied by President Claudia Sheinbaum, who was presumably there to ensure that the much-talked-about “Mexican humanism” did not become as subversive as thinking on one’s own, the general urged the elements to conduct themselves with professionalism. What a relief. We were all afraid that, on their next deployment, they would decide to juggle or improvise a stand-up comedy monologue. No, gentlemen. Professionalism, which is a serious word for “do what you’re paid to do.”
The Coursera Military Catalog and Other Lines of Unique Thought
And how do you develop that impeccable professional? With education, of course. And boy do they have it. The general displayed an arsenal of data that would sound impressive in a university brochure, but here it sounds like… well, a military university brochure. 42 campuses, a doctorate, 11 master’s degrees, 66 specialties, 22 bachelor’s degrees and 229 training courses. 229! One for each hypothetical situation, probably including a master’s degree in “How to Parade Flawlessly in the Rain” and a specialty in “Advanced Command Interpretation.”
Because, oh yes, in addition to titles, here love for the country is instilled. According to the speech, this love runs through the veins of every Mexican who wears the uniform. A statement as biologically questionable as it is poetically convenient. And what better way to show that love than by proudly announcing the brand new University of the Army, Air Force and National Guard in front of Dr. Sheinbaum? Because nothing unites a nation more than a good military educational conglomerate under a single name.
The message, wrapped in the flag and sealed with a seal of “unwavering loyalty”, painted an idyllic panorama: a hotbed of women and men who will guide the Armed Forces that contribute (always in the same way?) to the security and progress of the country. Experts in military administration, medical sciences and engineering graduated. Because if there’s one thing a soldier needs, it’s an MBA to figure out the logistics of a mission and an engineer to… well, to engineer military things, I guess.
And the nod to government policies could not be missed. Mexican humanism has been strengthened in the study programs. At last! We were all wondering when they were going to incorporate modules on poetry by Octavio Paz and analysis of murals by Diego Rivera among the combat strategy classes. And in terms of gender, monumental progress! The women who graduate will exercise command in all areas of military work. Really? All? Including the scope of deciding when force is used? How modern.
To top off the move, the doors open for almost 6,750 new students, five of them from friendly nations. Because what better way to strengthen sovereignty than by importing foreign students. The number is expected to soar to nearly 16,500. A figure that, without a doubt, will make any rector of a civil public university cry with envy in his underfunded office. And if that were not enough, 146 Sedena scholarship recipients are pursuing higher education studies. Because knowledge is power, but militarily aligned knowledge is… more power.
In the end, the final exhortation was the same as the initial one: professionalism. A cyclical redundancy that could well summarize the essence of any institutional ceremony. A speech that, between the lines, seemed less like a motivational speech and more like a reminder that the system, with its 42 campuses and 229 courses, works perfectly. And who are we to question it. After all, they have the guns… and now, a bunch of college degrees, too.
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