Because, of course, a “terrorist” title does not come with an attack button included
Imagine the scene: a senior Pentagon commander, probably with a “you already knew this, right?” face, explains to the Senate that, surprise, the US military cannot launch drone attacks against Mexican cartels just because President Donald Trump labeled them “terrorist organizations.” What a disappointment, right? As if classifying someone as a “public enemy” automatically triggers a missile. Too bad bureaucracy doesn’t work like that!
The show of contradictions
Colby Jenkins, undersecretary of Defense for special operations, had to clarify — with the patience of someone who explains that water is wet — that Trump’s appointment is not a free pass to bomb drug traffickers. Meanwhile, Elon Musk, that multitasking genius who also advises on government reform (because why not?), tweeted in February that, oh yeah, theU.S. could use dronesagainst cartels. Fountain? His imagination, apparently. Jenkins, with the elegance of a diplomat, responded: “No, gentlemen, but now we can offer options… just in case.” Translation: “Prepare the planes, but don’t take them off… yet.”
Meanwhile, the Northern Command is already doing its part: more surveillance flights, more intelligence sharing with Mexico (which, by the way, already has US drones flying over its territory, according to President Claudia Sheinbaum). All very cooperative, until someone remembers that Trump wants “maximum pressure.” The result? A strategic limbo worthy of a soap opera: “I hate you, but I need your help.”
And just in case there was no drama, General Gregory Guillot asked Congress for more authorization to work with the Mexican special forces. Because, of course, what better way to combat drug trafficking than with endless meetings and triplicate permits?
Moral: In the war on drugs, even missiles need to sign a form before taking off. Want more geopolitical irony? Share this article and explore our content on the absurdities of global security. Because reality always surpasses fiction (and sarcasm)!




