The Machine: Champion of papers, again
Ah, the sweet and predictable irony of Mexican soccer. While the Cruz Azul fans are still trying to get the “Apertura 2025” out of their heads (such an optimistic name for such a forgettable semester), international news arrives to put a comical spin on the tragedy. It turns out that La Maquina is, officially, the best Mexican team in America. Did you read it on any trophy? No. Did they celebrate it at the Azteca Stadium? Neither. It is written in a ranking.
Yes, that same team that under the command of Nicolás Larcamón did what it does best: generate very high expectations and then… well, you know. An economic investment that would make an Arab sheikh cry, only to end up “watching the playoffs from home”, as the commentators elegantly say. The annoyance of the fans was palpable, it could almost be measured in decibels of screams and memes.
But here is the magic of statistics. The International Federation of History and Statistics (IFFHS) published its continental list and, surprise! Cruz Azul shines in 18th place. Above historical clubs like Gremio or Independiente. One wonders: is this ranking based on goals, points… or ability to suffer? Because in that, friends, the light blue squad is the undisputed champion.
In the list, which boasts the best 60 teams on the American continent, the celestials appear as the best-placed national club, placing themselves in 18th place.
While Cruz Azul wanders through the continental top 20, its countrymen from Liga MX are more lost. The Rayados de Monterrey and the Tigres appear there, in positions 43 and 51 respectively, probably wondering how the team that did not win any local title beats them in an international role. And speaking of notable absences… where is Club América? No trace. His 2025 was so complicated that not even the IFFHS algorithms forgave him.
A world consolation (made of paper)
In case being the best Mexican in America seemed like little consolation after another early elimination, there is more. In the world ranking, La Maquina occupies an honorable 79th place. Just below the Danish Copenhagen, where their former youth player Rodrigo Huescas coincidentally plays. Coincidence? Probably yes, but it makes for a fun conspiracy theory: does the ghost of Huescas help the ranking from Denmark?
Meanwhile, up there in the world, leading the table as a team that does win real things (like the Champions League) should be, is Paris Saint-Germain. They do understand that titles are raised in the field, not in spreadsheets.
And now, with this comforting virtual diploma in hand (and surely framed in some management office), Cruz Azul is preparing for its debut in Clausura 2026. The fans wait anxiously. Not so much for the ranking, but to see if this time the machine works on the grass and not just in the statistics. Because at the end of the day, the only thing that really matters is what happens inside those four lines… even if it’s comforting to know that someone, somewhere in the world with a very powerful computer, thinks they’re good.
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