The city where the asphalt looks like an iron and the air, an industrial dryer
Get ready, chilangos, because this Wednesday Mexico City will not only be a convection oven, but winds will also blow that will make the weather feel as if you were inside a “This is fine” meme with the dog drinking coffee on fire. According to the experts (who have clearly never had to get on the Metro at 3 PM), temperatures will reach 31 degrees Celsius in 11 municipalities. Yes, you read correctly: 31°C, which in thermal sensation translates into “Where was my shadow and why did it abandon me?”.
The areas where the underworld will feel like a spa
Azcapotzalco, Benito Juárez, Coyoacán and company lead the top of the toastiest districts. But don’t worry, because the Weather Report of the SGIRPC (acronyms that sound like a Marvel villain) assures that the maximum peak will be at 3:00 p.m., just when everyone goes out to eat and realizes that the street is a cheap version of Mordor. To make matters worse, the ultraviolet radiation will be in “pigmented in 5 minutes” mode, and the 45 km/h winds promise to destroy everything, from hats to the dignity of those who wear skirts.
The official recommendations are a basic post-apocalyptic survival manual: sunscreen (SPF 1000, ideally), light clothing (goodbye, gothic aesthetic), sunglasses (so as not to cry… because of the heat) and avoid eating on the street (because nothing says “gastroenteritis” like a taco in the sun). Of course, if you see someone exposing themselves to the sun like a lizard on a stone, remind them that it is not 2012 and extreme tanning is no longer in trend.
Ironic bonus: The “cooling” will come until 6:00 p.m., because there’s nothing like a sunset at 28°C to feel that “relief” that only exists in weather reports.
Did you survive the hellish day? Share your best heat meme online and continue exploring how to get through the Chilango summer without losing your sanity (or hydration).
